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Carly Pearce has shared about one of the lowest moments of her life: admitting that she knew in the back of her mind, even as she got married, that it was a mistake. In an interview on Bunnie XO’s podcast Dumb Blonde, the Grammy winner shared that the relationship was more based on lust than love and soon came to an end. You taught me how strong I am. You put me through things that have made me better now. And I don’t wish him evil. I don’t wish anything on him. I’m so glad that I’m not in that anymore.”

Pearce clarified that she did not enter into marriage thoughtlessly, noting that at the time she believed she was making the right decision. “I got married to go the distance. When I married him, it was for the right reasons,” she insisted. But she also admitted that she and Ray could not have been more different. “We didn’t have real conversations, and we didn’t really know about each other. We were kind of living this life that wasn’t really reality,” she continued.

She also said she knew the day she married Michael Ray that it was the wrong move. “I knew the night I got married that I shouldn’t have,” she said, noting that the COVID-19 pandemic was ultimately a blessing because it allowed her to grieve the marriage in private. “I think the best thing that ever happened to me was COVID because it allowed me to deal with that in private. I probably would have stayed in it longer if I could have avoided it and not had to. … I was embarrassed when it happened … and I had shame around that and was heartbroken.”

Pearce filed for divorce from the country singer in 2020, just eight months after their 2019 wedding. The singer has not given any indication as to what happened, but she has acknowledged it was a mistake. “It wasn’t what I signed up for,” she said of the marriage. “It just wasn’t the marriage that I knew I deserved. I knew that very quickly. Plenty happened to where it was very clear to me this was not, this just wasn’t a marriage.”

Pearce and Bunnie XO also briefly touched on reports that Ray cheated during their relationship. While Pearce never addressed those rumors directly, she did discuss what it was like to field all the rumors and false claims in the public eye. “People have all their opinions, and, at first, that was so hard for me because I was like, ‘That’s not true, that’s not true, that’s not true. What he’s saying isn’t true.’ But, at the end of the day, my friends who walked that with me know. My parents know, and God knows, and that is enough. It’s enough.”

Pearce says that, overall, the experience has made her a stronger, more confident person and that it also showed her how much self-worth she actually does possess. “I am in the happiest season of my life,” she said. “If I ever saw him, if he ever watches this, thank you, because you taught me more about myself. You taught me how strong I am. You put me through things that have made me better now. And I don’t wish him evil. I don’t wish anything on him. I’m so glad that I’m not in that anymore.”

Pearce admitted that, when she and Ray got divorced, she was forced to take a long, hard look at parts of herself that she did not completely like. “I think I was really shown just how much I care about myself. I actually really have a lot of self-worth, and that showed me that,” she said.